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40 Horror Movies Where Kids Die Ranked by How Much Your Breeder Friends Will Resent Your Smug Childless-Adult Detachment (The Hard Times)

s anyone without children can tell you, being a childless adult is the absolute pinnacle of human existence. It rules, it's awesome, it's the best. If you're a breeder reading this you probably think otherwise. That's because you have to, but let's put that aside for a second. Let me ask you this, how many action figures did you buy for yourself last year? I rest my case.
Yes, childlessness is the only life worth living, yet so many of my peers and contemporaries have opted out. That's really the only downside, watching all of your friends pair off and get lame while you remain cool as fuck. "Oh, you guys are expecting?! So looking forward to you spending the rest of your lives complaining about a problem you chose to create."
The hardest casualty to accept has been movie nights. Me and my buddies used to get stoned and have a blast watching the most fucked up horror movies we could find, and there was no surer way for a movie to be ranked certified gold than by brutally murdering
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avg. score: 14 of 40 (34%)
required scores: 1, 5, 9, 16, 22 

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1
The Toxic Avenger (1984)
The Toxic Avenger (1984)
2
The Blob (1988)
The Blob (1988)
3
Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)
Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)
4
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
5
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
6
Trick 'R Treat (2007)
Trick 'R Treat (2007)
7
Superstition (1982)
Superstition (1982)
8
Pet Sematary II (1992)
Pet Sematary II (1992)
9
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
10
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
11
Martyrs (2008)
Martyrs (2008)
12
M3GAN (2022)
M3GAN (2022)
13
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
15
The Innocents (2021)
The Innocents (2021)
16
The Host (2006)
The Host (2006)
17
Funny Games (1997)
Funny Games (1997)
18
Feast (2005)
Feast (2005)
19
Terrified (2017)
Terrified (2017)
20
When a Stranger Calls (1979)
When a Stranger Calls (1979)
21
Planet Terror (2007)
Planet Terror (2007)
22
The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
23
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
24
Dinocroc (2004)
Dinocroc (2004)
25
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
26
Cooties (2014)
Cooties (2014)
27
Clown (2014)
Clown (2014)
28
The Children (2008)
The Children (2008)
29
Antichrist (2009)
Antichrist (2009)
30
Alligator (1980)
Alligator (1980)
31
Rawhead Rex (1986)
Rawhead Rex (1986)
32
Jaws (1975)
Jaws (1975)
33
Kill List (2011)
Kill List (2011)
34
Don't Look Now (1973)
Don't Look Now (1973)
35
Krampus (2015)
Krampus (2015)
36
Hereditary (2018)
Hereditary (2018)
37
A Quiet Place (2018)
A Quiet Place (2018)
38
Frankenstein (1931)
Frankenstein (1931)
39
Hocus Pocus (1993)
Hocus Pocus (1993)
40
Piranha 3DD (2012)
Piranha 3DD (2012)
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